Mmmm, Big Kiss

Suzhou, I love ya !

Another day in the highly variable 'Paradise on Earth' themed city. Yukes and I hopped on the

electric bike to mosey downtown this afternoon. Whenever Yukelet and I employ the e-bike,

she rides, and I ride shotgun - or is that Shogun, given my assignment ? Gets about 93%

attention from bystanders. A foreigner, hogging the back seat on the bike

(kidding, there's only one seat) wearing sunglasses, a bike helmet, toting a backpack and

displaying a grave, definite "fuck you" Easter Island statue demeanour, clasping the waist

of a lovely Chinese maiden, alternately laughing and generally having a "good time"

Her mission, to buy a pair of jeans and a few pairs of socks for me in horror alley (Guan Qian Jie)

and for me to attend to my Japanese engineers' thirst to practice English with a real,
live blue eyed Laowai. My socks seem to have migrated to the in-laws' sock cabinet, no matter.

Although it's quietly amusing to see the father-in-law wearing a 3&3 kindergarten T shirt, evidence

of my very happy time here in Suzhou.

Engineer Kura was effusive and attentive, in a manner that only the Japanese can master. He

handed over 2 packs of postcards that he'd acquired on his October holiday trip to -

somewhere famous in China. Images of waterfalls and blue lakes built up on calcified ridges.
"I saw fish 20 metres away" he gushes. "The water was so clean and clear !" he adds.

"How was the hotel ?" I inquire. "Not bad, the Sheraton was OK", "The other 5 star was a bit
dank" he adds. "Dank ?" I smile. I guess my work actually means something.

I ordered a strawberry milkshake. I deemed it nice and asked for another. Yukes said the

initial offering of a glass of water with a slice of lemon "tasted like mud". I agreed.

Sure enough, the muddy water had an unpleasant, yet strangely satisfying emetic effect,
along with the ham and egg sandwitches I ordered and consumed - not to mention the double

strawberry milkshakes under the belt.

I hate that. Bloodshot eyes, runny nose, vile taste in the mouth, sweat. I want to go back to

Australia ! We actually have Food Standards......and annoying large fines for non-compliance.

Turning to Engineer Kura. I tossed him another curly one. We had been talking about many

things : the last time we met, we discussed global warming. Today I slid over 2 reports

that completely contradicted each other. One said that there would be no Arctic ice in 2010,

due to global warming - the other postulated that the worlds' climate had dropped 0.7

degrees in 2007, and would drop 14 degrees by 2019.

The second article advised that,amongst others, China had a "terrible winter" in 2007.

First snow in Baghdad in decades.

No mention of the horror winter we had in early 2008. We had a metre of snow then. I know,

I'm in Suzhou. Suzhou is almost a mediterranean climate. Hot summers and cool winters,

with a predictable reversal of seasons, 35 degrees north, same as Perth, West Australia
or Sydney, Australia. - but gotcha !

Cleaning staff sweeping snow with straw brooms at the front door, and long

undripping icicles hanging off every pointed surface. Trust me, I was there ! Snow built

up so high on railways and highways, with no way to clear it.

So bad that Chinese Premier Wen Jia Bao had to apologise in public to millions of migrant

workers who sought public transport to their home towns and were denied their right to visit

their families and pray at their ancestors' graves.

The question I posed to Engineer Kura was : What would happen if we had an ice age

in 2019 ? Tell me what you think. I draw on a cigarette, blow some smoke and lean

forward to hear his answers.

I prompt.

Trees ? I suggest that trees not innured to sub zero temperatures will probably die.

Oxygen ?

Rivers ? Freezing. Tai Hu supplying Suzhou with tap water, with an average depth of 2

metres will be an ice rink. Only about 3 million square metres. Winter going from 1

degree to -13 C.

Agriculture ? What do you think ?

Engineer Kura was excited. "Build a dome" he said. "A big greenhouse?" I asked.

"Yes, a greenhouse."

We then explored the idea. At length.

Engineer Kura. You suggested a habitat for 100,000 people under the self-sufficient dome.

What about the millions who want to enjoy the benefits of the dome ? How do we keep
"them" out ? Land mines ? You know they will use a bulldozer, remotely controlled to

detonate the land mines and destroy the dome.Should snipers be used ?

What if they run out of bullets? Migration ? Imagine it for yourself. Engineer Kura

will be on the spit next time, but I'll hold his hand.

Gees, that's why I like Suzhou. I actually get from Armageddon to wiping snotty noses

and hugging children. And you know what ? Suzhou offers you the chance to (cliche)

expand your mind. if you choose.

*********************************************

What do you think ? I teach Jane and Peter and their dog?

Cough, actually I do. Primary school in China.

Jane likes Peter, Peter likes Jane. Peter and Jane are in the shop.

The dog likes the ball.

Why do you think North Korea has sealed their reactors and agreed to
IAEA monitoring after detonating an underground nuclear bomb device?

I might be in China, but I am not stupid.

Jamieson ! email : tomthemummy@yahoo.com